Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes....

I want to be a writer. I want to design jewelry and decorate homes. I decided this back in January of 2009 when my world as I knew it was suddenly compromised. I decided back then that I needed a way to showcase what I can do, what is in my heart. So I set out on a journey, a journey to change my life.

I didn't know what it would entail. And I was ok with that. I wanted to shake up my world and learn new things. And I did. I took classes, I started a blog, I joined a networking group of my peers and I sought out professionals to help me along the way...

Six months ago I had an idea for a new blog, and now, it's finally finished.

My first blog took me as far as it could, it gave me a place to start, it was an outlet for practice and it held me accountable. I'm hoping this new blog will take me to the next step--getting published, a new job, a patent on my designs perhaps. The blog design is beautiful, the navigation is pretty cool and I'm really excited about the possibilities. I loved my blog designer. She was a very helpful gal who really got the essence of who I am and what I wanted to portray. Check out her blog and see what she can do.

There are still a few things I would like to tweak of course. But I need to seek some tech help for that. So there will be future updates, additional programming, a Featured Content Gallery, email and followers options and more linking and navigation to come, but I figure for now I've got a pretty good start.

I'm really excited to launch and get things going.

Since I have many facets to my personality I think my blog should have just as many facets. And it does, it's all encompassing. I have to admit, it's probably more geared to gals then to guys for some things, but This is LIFE after all, we all have challenges and hopes and aspirations and I think each of you as individuals in this crazy human race will relate to it on one level or another.

Fate has a funny way of coming to fruition. Maybe I was always supposed to be a writer and a designer and I just took a detour for the first part of my career. Maybe I just needed to live life for a while and experience people, face struggles, and learn about design and marketing to get me to the next step...

This is a big step in my journey and I'm hoping you will visit often, leave comments and join me along the way.

Please visit me at www.ThisIsLifeBlog.com

THANK YOU FOR READING ME

Not a Care in the World

This morning I got out in the garden pretty early. The sun was finally shining and clearing my head as well as the sky. As I stood on the south hill, barely visible from the street, I heard a little girl singing.

She was singing the ABC song as loud as she possibly could. When I looked up to see her I saw a pink bike, fully equipped with handle bar tassels and training wheels. Her helmet matched her bike, and her blond curls escaped from underneath. Her Dad and other siblings accompanied her as they strolled slowly down the street.

I spoke out loud to myself with a smile, "remember when times were so simple...". I shook my head and then answered myself, "when you didn't care who heard you...pure and utter joy".

I barely remember ever feeling like that.

How come as children we are able to experience complete ignorance and bliss but we lose that capability as we age?

Does it count that I regularly talk to myself and to the critters in the garden?

Growing More Beautiful with Age

I spent last weekend with my Girlfriends.

We have these Girlfriend Gatherings on a somewhat regular basis. One of my friends has a lovely house that she graciously opens up to us a few times a year. She spoils us with her culinary delights. She gives us an escape to nature that most of our suburban lives don't offer.

I always look forward to these visits. I think I need the laughter we share more then anything. As I've written before, my world is fairly small. I work in a small office, I have the same routine day to day, week to week. So escaping once every few months gives me a chance to break free and let go.

It's hard for some of the girls to commit each time as they still have young kids at home. But I can tell that when they do get the chance to get away, how much this time is needed. On Sunday morning everyone looks so...released. Released from the stress, the chores, the computer, the errands. They've taken time to relax, to drink and eat, to connect and to laugh.

I've shared a lot of years with these women. Some good, some bad. Some distant, some close. I've seen them go through puberty and marriage. I've seen them go through death and birth.

And I've noticed lately that my friends are more beautiful to me as we have aged. Oh sure, we are starting to show some wrinkles around the edges... Most of us need cheaters to read these days, a few grey hairs are starting to show, some of us have a few more pounds then we once did.

But none of that matters.

What's beautiful is the concern that's expressed for each other; and the generosity of spirit and soul that shines through each of us in our own little way.

We all have crows feet when we laugh now, and knowing I was a part of some of those laugh lines makes them all the more appreciated.

"Rock on with your bad selves" girls.....

I Need to Spread My Wings

Today was another one of "those days". Not for any one particular reason mind you, it just was a day.

I so need a change.

I so need someone willing to give me a shot.

I keep looking at the job postings thinking I don't want to make a lateral move. Then at the same time if I don't make a move soon, I'm going to keep having more of these days. I'm just not feeling enough confidence in this economy to make a big change.
Last one hired, first one fired and all.

Is it possible after 20 years in one industry to do a complete 180 and do something utterly different?

I'm feeling like I'm running out of time.

I'm trying so hard to change my direction. To follow my heart, to live my passions. But I still have to pay the bills.

I wish my career would metamorphosis more quickly.

I need to spread my wings...

Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone

This year I decided to try some different things. Since now I'm officially middle age, and supposedly in the prime of my life, I figured it's now or never.

As 2009 was fraught with challenges, I am more determined then ever to make sure that 2010 is exciting and fun. Well ok, maybe exciting is too strong of a word, but at best I want 2010 to be interesting.

So far, it's looking pretty good.

I recently posted that changes are coming for me. I've decided that my blog is going to go into a new direction. It's going to encompass my passions, my endeavors, my ideas. I'm both excited and overwhelmed by this grand idea. In one respect it gives me freedom to explore and learn and meet new and interesting people. In another way it is a big, scary thing on the perpetual "To Do" list.

We're already almost 1/5th of the way into the new year and I feel like I've already shaken things up. I've broken my boring work/sleep/eat/errands cycle and added in interesting changes.

The fire within has been officially lit.

I've already taken several classes this spring. And I'm signed up for a few more. I've found a resource for knowledge at The Loft that inspires me to learn and grow as a writer. I've taken chances by asking professionals for help. I've met new people, I've exchanged ideas. I've re-connected with colleagues from the past. I've taken things off that perpetual "To Do" list and started doing them.

Maybe getting older spurs you into action because you feel your time is running out. Maybe it's self-awareness you didn't have in your younger years that pushes you to experience more in life. I know I don't want to be complacent. I know that if change is going to come to my world I am going to have to make it happen for myself. And I haven't felt so alive in years.

So I ask you readers, what have you done lately to step outside your comfort zone? To go beyond your normal everyday life and experience something different. What have you learned lately? What have you always wanted to do? My advise to you would be, go for it. Cross it off your bucket list, and engage in all that life has to offer.

Living for the Moment

The older I get, the more I understand life.

I remember in my 20's thinking I had it all figured out. Thinking I was so worldly and wise - I was a mover and shaker after all. I had an exciting career working with important people. I was fairly educated. I was constantly going places and doing things...

Then I fell in love. And everything I thought I knew about men and life changed. I was in love with a man, and for all intensive purposes, men were way different then women.

Not that this is a bad thing. Just that it's different. Men think differently, they react differently, they love differently then women.

Personally I think men have the ability to live more in the moment then women.

A simple example - One morning I suggest to my hubby that we BBQ together that night - he agrees. So I am at work all day, and on the way home I start thinking about dinner, I'm hungry. I start making plans in my head, did I remember to take anything out of the freezer, how long it's going to take to cook, do I have all the ingredients on hand, maybe I should stop at the store, what would hubby like...I get home. Hubby ate about and hour ago, he was hungry. Funny thing was, I didn't feel like cooking anyway.

He lives in the moment. If he's hungry he eats. He's tired, he sleeps. He doesn't really think too far ahead of that. Don't get me wrong, of course he thinks about his future. But as a sleep deprived over-worked guy he pretty much just focuses on the here and now. I, on the other hand, am perpetually in fast forward mode. I plan ahead for the next hour, the next day, the next weekend, the next year. Hubby has no specific plans for what tomorrow will bring, he goes with the flow. I have a constantly spinning "To Do" list in my head a mile long.

Oh, to only worry about the moment at hand. To never have to plan or prepare... to just "be". Maybe that's why men and women, though so different, work together. One needs to stay grounded in the moment, one needs to look ahead.

Then again, maybe it's just us.

The Health Revolution

I am loving this Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution! I think it's fantastic. This country has been so deluded into thinking our food supply is healthy, that it's scary. If you think anyone is making sure that what is on the shelves is healthy, think again. This guy is going to make an impact, I hope, on the world.

I embraced this way of eating years ago. At 35 years old I was having chronic headaches (6 times a week), heartburn, I couldn't sleep, I had neck pain, TMJ, knee pain and weight gain. I went to my Doc. She prescribed me pills.

Nothing says American Medical Care like a fist full of pills.

I was given prescriptions for huge amounts of Ibuprofen for the knee pain. Prilosec for heartburn, a migraine medication for the headaches. She offered me an anti-depressant, and some weight loss pill that had some very nasty side effects.

Something in me just snapped. "Enough is enough already, I want to be healed I don't want to be on hundreds of dollars of pills every month for the rest of my life!" I walked out.

I knew I wasn't going to find the answers there. I knew I had to embrace Alternative care. I began to read every health book I could get my hands on. And then one day heard about Kinesiology. I decided to go for it. And it changed my life.

Doc "Wonder" was amazing. He taught me so much about nutrition and natural medicine, about my body and it's chemistry. He fixed all my ails. All, but my weight issues. What we figured out is that I had sort of a "Perfect Storm" of metabolic chaos and I know exactly when it all went to hell. The day I got my first injection of Depo Provara. I have been in an uphill battle ever since. I have spent thousands of dollars trying to right this hormonal wrong.

I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that we are the only ones responsible for our health.
The Doctors in this country make money by pushing drugs.
The Drug companies make money by keeping us on prescriptions pills for our entire lives.
The Food companies make money buy filling their products with inferior fillers, preservatives, sugars, additives, and addictive ingredients because real food costs money to produce.
The Farmers pump the cattle and chickens and crops full of hormones and pesticides to fatten the animals and eliminate crop loss.
The Diet Pill companies make money by pushing pills to reverse the weight problems from the food our FDA has approved.
And the Politicians that are supposedly there to protect and work for us---don't even get me started.

The only one looking out for you, is you.

Think before you eat. If you can't pronounce it, don't ingest it. If it's created in a lab, do your research before you use it. And for God's sake, get your ass off the couch.

Dare I Say I'm on a Roll?

I'm not a super religious person. I mean I do believe in God, I have faith. I believe in Karma and a little bit in destiny too. I believe that there is an inherent higher power that helps those who help themselves. I believe that people with good hearts who help others are rewarded in some way - whether that is a great after life or just a peaceful existence, I guess that is yet to be determined.

And I also believe that we have been given some talent or skill that sets us apart from others. A skill that we may or may not know we have, but some how in our lifetime seems to recur time and time again.

I believe that I have figured out my special skill, my karmic destiny, my gift from up above...

I...have been given the special job of...(are you ready)...changing the toilet paper roll.

Yes readers, it's true. I have been given the Responsibility of the Roll.

I've been noticing this for quite some time now. I seem to have the timing down perfect, the frequency, the consideration to help others in a time of need. I have been destined to be the Replacer of the Toilet Paper.

I know what you are all thinking, that this is a special job and it should not be taken lightly.. but it's true. I have a purpose in this lifetime, to make sure that people, when they are most vulnerable, are - well - covered.

No matter where I go, whether it's work, home, a friend or family's house, perhaps a restaurant or store...I will be the one to replace the empty roll. My timing is uncanny, I always seem to get there when there are one or two sheets left. I have a knack for locating the extra supplies, and never fear, if you and I should share a public restroom and you run out, I will be there to share my gift with you. No, I will not let you down. I will spare a square or two for you.

I almost feel like I should have a cape, a title, and a tag line....
"CC, the TP Queen" - Never fear...CC's Here

State of the Blog, Part II

Well, awhile ago I posted that changes were coming to my blog. I'm very excited about them. In about a month I hope to launch my new and improved blog. It will encompass so much more. Please follow me when the time comes, I will keep you posted.

I've been taking a writing class and it's been quite freeing when it comes to inspiration. And it's been quite informational when it comes to the technicalities of the blogosphere and getting my blog read.

One of my goals when I initially started my blog was to do some "professional" writing. Blogging was my way of being published, getting some practice and holding myself accountable. But blogging became so much more for me too.

I became so in touch with my feelings, my goals and the passion that lies within. I found myself on a journey of self discovery. My initial posts were written as "columns" that I envisioned printing in some local publication, but the columns became part of me. My challenges, my dreams and aspirations --- and mostly my take on the human condition.

I'd still like to do a column, only reality tells me it'll be more of an on-line thing. I struggle with getting seen...Google-love comes with exposure and to get exposure I have to attack social media with extreme regularity. I'm finding it hard to embrace Twitter. Most really popular blogs get seen because they link to current headlines, videos and pop culture.

I don't want to be that kind of blogger, I want to write. I want to write with soul and purpose. The only question is, does soul and purpose translate into being read?

There's something in me I need to share. Perhaps it's not quite defined yet, perhaps I just haven't found the right home...but I am on the move.

So friends, readers and fellow bloggers, if you like what I have to say, please tell others. Please link me or forward me or recommend me. I need all the help I can get. The one thing that I know I learned about myself this last year is that I can't do it all alone anymore. I need to ask other's for help. I need to seek guidance and education. And probably most importantly, I need to believe in my self, my heart and believe that I will reach my goals.

Health Care Reform is Killing Me

I hate to talk politics. I hate getting those slamming chain emails that bash one side or the other full of bullshit statements that have very little or no validity(those of you who send them, please stop). I hate that as a tax paying American, my voice is not heard at all. I voted to elect people who I think can make a change; and in turn it's just more of the same.

I don't get the whole problem with passing health care reform. OK, I'll be the first to admit I am dense when it comes to politics. I followed the last election, I watched all the debates, I actually liked and voted for my choice. But all I hear is rhetoric. "Political posturing" seems to be the key phrase. Nothing is getting accomplished. Each side is hell-bent on making sure the other side doesn't win. In the end, none of us wins.

Me, as a middle-class person is getting screwed. My health insurance premiums went up AGAIN! UGH. I can't take it anymore. I literally will not be able to afford one more increase. After a year of reduced pay and benefits, the premiums are wiping out my savings. If my deductible increases anymore what will the point be of even having insurance. I may as well take my chances and bank the cash.

For God's sake I have a $5000 deductible. I can't afford to go and get a mammogram, because I can't afford the extra out of pocket expense. God forbid I get bronchitis or have to be hospitalized. This is just ridiculous that I spend over $6000/year and can't even go to the doctor when I need to. Something is wrong with our system, big time!

OK, I don't want the Government running my life either, but nor do I want the Insurance companies to take over my health care. I want a choice if I can go to a Naturalpath or a GP. If I get the flu I want it to be covered under my ridiculous premiums I've already paid. I should get to have some care for all the money I pay out. I want preventative maintenance, like an annual MRI to detect anything brewing within, a Mamogram, PAP/Prostate and Heart and Colon checks.

I figured it out, in the last seven years I have paid out well over $50,000 in premiums/payments. I have been to the Doctor less then 10 times. At $5,000 a visit, I think I am the only one getting screwed, seems like the Docs and Insurance companies are doing just fine.

What do we have to do as citizens to get congress to stop all this bullshit and get some policies passed. Why does every bill have to be so damn detailed that they argue about it for months. Why can't they write and pass simple legislation. Just take one step at a time. First and foremost on the insurance forefront would be to limit premium hikes. To put a cap on what the insurance companies can charge. So now they pass this bill and instead of working with it now all the Republicans have to waste more of our tax payer money to fight the decision. God, when does it ever stop?!

And we, as American citizens are getting screwed. I guess it's just politics as usual, no big change---the rich get richer, the middle class pays for everything and the little guy gets squished.

I'd like to strip the politicians of all their benefits. Take away so much of their income that they have to live like the poor, and middle-income poor that they are creating. I'd like to see them struggle to make ends meet every month. To worry and stress so much about losing their job and not being able to find a new one that they end up in the ER with chest pain. I'd like to see them get screwed time and time again by large corporations who suck the life out of the people they supposedly serve. I'd like to see them go into foreclosure, fight and argue with banks and lose everything they have ever worked for because some arrogant SOB in congress is more worried about their political party winning then actually working for the people who elected them.

I bet things would change then.

Do it for the Chickens

Ok, most of my blogging life has been pretty politically correct. I haven't gone off on any real tangents or complained too much about politics, war, health care or anything else I feel is beyond my control.

But today I would like to discuss the movement of Organic vs. Conventionally produced products. I have become a naturalist, well about 80% natural anyway, and every day I learn more and more about just how bad conventionally produced products are.

Today, my case in point is about eggs. I buy organic eggs because I don't believe that chickens should be fed hormones. I suffer with a major hormonal imbalance and I figure that I just don’t need anything else messing me up. But I guess I really didn't realize the real difference in organic eggs vs. conventional eggs.

Did you know that organic eggs have 22% more Omega 3's in them then conventional eggs? That is a staggering difference. And if that isn't worth the extra $1.50, then read on.

Conventional chickens are kept in tiny cages. Most cages are less then 2 sq ft and they share that cage with up to 9 other chickens. There is not enough room for them to stretch and spread their wings. The cage conditions are dirty, crowded and unhealthy to say the least. Most of them live less then 2 years. They are force-fed hormone-laden corn feed, which by the way, is not what a chicken would actually eat if they had the choice. Their beaks are cut off. They are never allowed to roam freely and hunt and peck as a chicken does, they never see the light of day. Then, when they have served their egg-bearing purpose they are slaughtered and the meat is used to feed us. And that's the meat you get in 80% of the restaurants and grocers in the country. There are dozens of other reasons not to buy conventional chicken and eggs that you can read here, for me, it's too gross to post. http://www.assatashakur.org/forum/afrikan-wholistic-health/14393-chicken-unhealthy-white-meat.html

Organic chickens by contrast, especially free-range chickens, are allowed to roam. They get exercise, fresh air and sunlight. They can eat worms and bugs, seeds and greens – anything their little chicken heart desires. And in being able to live the life of a normal chicken they develop much more Omega 3's, protein, vitamins, enzymes and other nutrients. They develop muscle and strong bones and lead happy little chicken lives.

I admit, over the years I have sort of buried my head when it came to "industrial farming". I know in the back of my head how truly disgusting the practices are. But because I like protein, I have not completely acknowledged that disturbing fact. I just don't want to know. But in my quest for better health I have to look at the whole food process, I need to know the realities.

If the chickens are being fed all that junk and we eat their eggs and meat then it stands to reason we are also being fed all that junk. That just makes me sick. No wonder we have so many health issues in our country.

The old saying, "you are what you eat" really applies. If you want to ingest chemicals, eat today's conventional produce, meat and dairy. If not, buy organic. And if you won't do it for yourself, then do it for the chickens, they have no choice.

Adopting Creativity

A fellow writer just posed the idea to me that a creative person needs to adopt creativity as though it were a child. You need to nurture it, spend time with it, teach it, and grow it...I had never thought of it like that before, but it is profoundly accurate.

I get people all the time that say, “oh, you are so creative...I wish I could do that”. And I always think, “You can, you just have to try. Take a class, expand your mind...”. Lord knows I’m no Da Vinci, but creativity sort of comes second nature to me I guess. It’s like breathing or sleeping...it’s just something I need to do every day. It’s part of the essence that is my being. But it wasn’t always that way. It’s come and gone throughout my life. I wasn’t born with it.

I wasn’t born knowing how to paint, I can’t draw people or animals to save my soul and I for sure can’t sing. But I have a fire within that keeps me questing after more. I have the ability to visualize. I have a need for knowledge.

I’ve taken many, many writing classes and painting classes and courses on interior design and color analysis. I’ve trained on software programs for graphic arts and computer design and learned from other artists and mentors in my field. When people have asked me to design a piece of jewelry for them that they have seen in a magazine, I may not know how to readily do it, but I’m willing to learn. Of course there’s something there that I was born with--a flair, a knack, an instinct maybe. But I have spent a lot of time developing my creativity too.

And sometimes creativity comes to you at odd times. Last weekend a book idea came to me in my dreams, I dreamt the plot, the murder, the romance, the setting and personalities of my characters. When I woke at 5am I had to write it all down before I forgot it. Within a few hours I had 6 pages of premise together and a rough outline of the characters. I’ve never written a novel before, but what the hell, I’m willing to give it a shot. And I’ll go take some classes to learn a few tricks of the trade – maybe something comes of it, maybe it doesn’t; but the experience is still worth having.

I had an idea for a jewelry design hit me so hard one afternoon, I feverishly filled pages of notes and ideas. Sketches, materials, and the name, its marketability –all of it just hit me like a sack of potatoes. When that happens you just can’t ignore it, you have to run with it when you can. I figure that idea came to me so strongly for a reason, it’s up to me to figure out why.

I’ve written poems, laid out a landscape plan for my garden, and redesigned a room all in my head while driving to work. If it comes to you it’s a gift and must be acted upon. Just like a child that is crying or sick, creativity needs immediate attention. And that person was right, it must be nurtured with classes and mentors. It must be given room to grow. You must spend time with it, answer any questions it has or learn from its mistakes. It’s a comittment that must be honored and respected throughout its lifetime.

So yes, I guess you could say I adopted creativity, I am committed to it. And I will follow its journey.

What Inspires Me?

In my writing class we talk about the ups and downs of blogging, of writing, and of writers block. We are often given "free-writes" with topics to inspire writing off the cuff.

This last week we were given examples of "successful" bloggers. These success stories supposedly gave us numerous ideas for improving our blogs. After reading them I was not inspired, in fact, I was pretty irritated. These blogs were perfect examples about what I hate about the blogosphere. They were trite, repetitive, link-happy reiterations of the vast nothingness that people talk about. Not to mention they were vulgar, uninteresting and irresponsible...and in my opionion, the writing wasn't worth reading either.

Someone once said to me, "if the blogger wasn't famous then reading their blog was just a waste of time". Ouch, that kind of hurt. I'd like to think that the time I spend on my blog is not a waste of time. And hopefully not a waste of my readers' time either. I'm trying to write with substance and meaning. I attempt to work through issues that I know a lot of people share. I'm trying to look for hope and inspiration in an often uninspirational world. Is that not a worthy way to spend my free time?

So anyway, my instructor posed the question: "What inspires you?" So here is my reply:

Ok, I know it sounds hoky, but Love inspires me. Giving inspires me. Positive thinking and hope for a better world inspires me.

And conversely, stress and anger and angst inspire me too. Usually when I'm at a really low place, the words I find are a mechanism for change. Changing my attitude or my outlook or my game plan. Sometimes I have to just sit down and write it out or I swear I will lose it.

And sometimes I have to cry.

One day last fall I cried the entire day. I was so stressed out, so pissed off and saturated from my day that all I had left in me was the urge to write. I just sat down, looked at the blank screen, and effortlessly the thoughts flowed into my fingers and onto the page without my brain as an interface. When I was done, the tears finally stopped.

It was raw, it was real and it was one of the most honest posts I have made. It also got the most feedback.

You see I connected with others who have been there. And that notion that I was going through what so many other's out there have been through in this last year inspired me to keep going. I don't think that is a waste of time.

I think that reaching out to anyone, even if it's only one person, is worthwhile.

And that, is probably the most inspiring thing of all.

Giving from the Heart

It's my day off. I love my Friday off. I get to leisurely rise, drink coffee, read, write or whatever…and it's all on my time schedule.

This morning I'm watching Ellen. I love that she's a generous person who invites real people on her show to tell their story. I know that it's not her money she's giving away. And yes, maybe she gets good press, but still, Ellen makes it happen for people.

I'm watching and she has on the gal, Angela Martin, from American Idol who did not make the top 24. She's a great singer and she's had a really tough life. This girl could use a break. I first saw her three years ago when she made the Hollywood week, her Father was killed the day she got there. She has a daughter with a disability. Last year she made Idol but couldn't stay because she had to go to jail because she couldn't afford to pay a ticket. Now this year, for some reason she didn't make the top 24 either. Poor girl, if anyone could use a break, she could. Personally I thought she was better then a couple girls they let through.

So Ellen is talking to her, letting her share her story and then she sings. She has a great, powerful voice, and an astounding positive disposition considering her angst. After she sings Ellen announces that Kara Dioguardi, her fellow Idol judge, is writing and producing a song for this gal and they intend to help her get a record label contract.

The girl just grabbed Ellen and hugged her as hard as she could. I just cried. It's kind of like when you cry after Extreme Home Makeover. The sheer kindness that is shown to someone in need just moves me to tears.

Deep down I wish that someone in my lifetime would voluntarily show me that kind of kindness with no strings attached. But even more so, I wish that I could help someone like that. I wish I had the means to change someone's life.

But maybe we all have the means. Maybe it's not just about money. Maybe it's just about giving of your self, freely and unconditionally. Maybe as long as it comes from your heart it doesn't matter what you do to help someone else.

We can all do this. Whether it's holding a door for the elderly. Delivering Meals on Wheels, or spending time playing Scrabble with someone who's all-alone in the world. We have the power within ourselves to change other people's lives.

So my question is, will you?

Never too old...

A few years ago I had a semi-argument with a friend. She had suggested I go back to school to get additional training. I'd been bitching about my job for awhile, wanting to make a change - but mostly not knowing what I wanted to do.

At that point in my life practically every single thing that was going on felt negative. My health was tanking. My relationship with my girls was stressed. I was always strapped for cash, paying my bills fine but never any left over. I couldn't seem to get motivated for anything.

I shut down.

I shut myself down from trying anything new. I shut out any ideas or suggestions for change. I quit going to parties - I didn't want to see anyone - I had nothing good to say.

I knew I needed to do something drastic. But I felt I had neither the money, the time nor the ambition to give it a go. I felt like a failure.

The more suggestions people had for improvement, the more excuses I found not to change.

What a difference a few years can make.

Since starting my blog about 8 months ago, I have had a renaissance. Some how purging my frustrations in life in ink so to speak has brought me to solutions. I'm sure there is psychological answer for the phenomenon of which I don't know.

Since January I have signed up for 5 classes. And I'm very excited for each and every one. No, I'm not going back to college to finish my degree, I'm just enriching my life and learning new things. It's got me so electrified I feel buzzed.

The first of which is a writing class. I love writing classes. In school all of my electives were writing classes. There just is no better way for me to get to the core of my emotions then with pen and ink. Then there's a photoshop class, a digital photography class, a marketing class, a blog class, a book-making class....I want to take more.

It seems like the one thing I had been denying myself is the one thing that has set me free....what is yours?

State of the Blog

When I started this blog it was meant to be an outlet for my frustrations and for my ponderings, a way to find conflict resolution. It was a way to self-discovery and personal growth. I wanted to evolve. And it has done all those things for me.

As for my readers, I'm not sure.

I get a fair amount of positive feedback, people find me inspiring. Maybe I bring a tear to their eye. They can relate. I guess that was my intention to begin with, to touch people on a personal level.

I wanted to write about life's challenges. I wanted to explore how I resolve the daily conflicts that we all in our human race of life endure. And I hope that's what I've been doing.

No matter what our profession, we all face struggles, self-doubt and worry. We all wonder if we did the right thing, or if we are being true to ourselves. And we all share hope and wonder and success. We all have wrenches thrown into our daily lives too.

Writing has always been my vent. As a child if I had an argument with my Dad, I would write it out. I'd scribble down all my objections. I'd read them back loudly in my head and when I got it all out of me, I'd tear it up. With those torn pages, my anger seemed to dissipate.

Now in this stage of my life I'm looking to writing again as a way to change my occupation. For years I've been looking for a change, but as it seems no one wants to let you switch gears because you "know you can do the job, or "because it's your heart's desire", or even "because it's something you always thought you would be good at". No, they want to hire an expert in their field. They don't want to take a chance. And in this competitive market, who can blame them.

So I've decided to become a writer, hopefully professionally. I figure if no one else wants to give me a shot, I'll make it happen for myself. I'm hoping some day people will care what I have to say. That I will be a modern day Irma Bombeck and bring humor and truth to our human condition.

Hopefully then people won't think that my blog is a waste of time.

When do I get to have fun?

Why is it that life never seems simple? I swear there is always some kind of stress going on in my world. I know people who never seem to waiver from day to day. They don't have any upset, drama or challenges. Me, not so much. Granted the earth hasn't opened up underneath me or I haven't had a major tragedy with someone I love. But my drama's always seem to cost a lot of money and I usually have to pay for them with the money I've earmarked for fun.

Last week I fell down on the ice and strained some muscle or tendon in my leg, yesterday I actually felt it tear. OUCH. This week it was a trip to the ER for my hubby. He's ok, but we have some concerns to address. I'm trying to stay positive. My hubby has needed to get in for a physical for quite some time. So in one way this is a blessing; now he has no choice. At least we are dealing with his issue early on and he'll be fine. I might actually meet that $5000 deductible this year. And as long as I'm doing that I might as well get checked out too I guess. I've been putting off that mammogram way too long. It seems that ER nurse was right, it all does go down hill from here.

It's just that these little challenges always seem to hamper the good things that are happening. Just when I get going strong on an exercise program some body part seems to fall apart. For the last couple years it's been my shoulder, and both elbows. Now this stupid leg thing. Walking is not very fun right now.

But at least I can walk right? There are so many people with bigger problems then mine, I really can't complain. And I'm not, I know we are going to be ok. I really am blessed with so much more than a lot of people. And I do thank God every day. I just wish it didn't have to cost so much. Kinda throws a wrench into that 15th Anniversary vacation idea.

We have debt, a good amount of it. But my hubby and I have not been on a get-on-a plane-for-a-week-in-the-sun vacation in a very, very long time. He works 7 days a week, he is most certainly deserving of a vacation. And I have had the most stressful year of my life - Lord knows I need one too. And him having a major health wake up call makes me think--why wait? 15 years together is reason for celebration. Let's do it now while we are young and healthy enough to enjoy it. What if tomorrow never comes?

We had a tough year, it was fraught with challenges for both of us, not to mention our relationship. We could really use the downtime together to reconnect, have fun and remember just what made us fall in love with each other in the first place. Is it a bad thing to add more debt to our pile? Are we justified? Our debt may never go away. There will always be something that comes up. Cars need fixing, house needs repair.

When do we get to say, "hey we need this for our sanity - damn the cost we need to de-stress". Other people get to go on vacaton at least once a year. When do I get to go?

I think I'd like to go to the Grand Canyon. Maybe standing on the edge of a big hole in the earth will put life into perspective.

Maybe then my challenges will feel much smaller.

Things Successful People Do

I'm reading this book entitled "9 Things You Simply Must Do for Success in Life...", or something to that effect. Anyway this book is very enlightening. It's written by a psychologist and it's basically his take on the similar traits that successful people exhibit. I haven't read the whole thing yet, but it's has already hit home.

One of the first things he talks about is "Living Your Dream", he says that successful people all live their dream. Whether it's owning a beauty salon or gas station, being a lawyer or an architect - these people all make this dream happen for themselves. More specifically he talks about the energy you feel when you are inspired. You feel alive, like your juices are flowing freely. You exude vitality and excitement, you look forward to each day. Conversely people who are not living their dream tend to trudge through life. They tend to be more angry or sarcastic. They feel like reaching for a dream is not possible. They tend to bury their head when it comes to confrontation or change. I have to say, I think this guy is completely right.

I have been both people.

The last decade of my life I've felt like I was just going through the motions in life. Wake, work, eat, sleep...wake, work, eat, sleep...never feeling any real passion or excitement for anything. The few exhilarating moments were fleeting and followed by much doubt. I've always desired something else for a career. But I didn't really know what. The things I knew I would love to do, seemed so out of reach. There was always something holding me back. Usually money was first on the list. The second being time. Third being education. Followed by a lack of desire for change or ability to make it happen. There were so many more excuses.

I don't know what happened to me in the last 8 months. But something changed. Maybe it was stirred by anger, maybe by desperation I'm not sure. But some switch has definitely flipped. I felt that spark he speaks of, the excitement, the optimism. A new opportunity somehow materialized clearly in my mind.

It's funny it seems so simple now.

So I'm doing it. I'm engaging in life. I'm working toward a dream. I'm making progress. I'm making the steps. I finally feel like anything is possible.

I feel successful already.

Good Riddance 2009

I keep saying
"Good
Riddance
2009". That it was a terrible year. That nothing good has come from it.

But I've been thinking, and I've realized I am wrong. And as my hubby pointed out,2009, in many ways, was a good year.

It was the year I reconnected with a loved one and turned the once-distant relationship into a loving, honest and healing friendship.

It was a year that I rediscovered my passion for writing.

It was a year that I realized how much money I wasted on stupid little things and learned to live on less.

It was the year that inspired me to make big changes in myself. For my health, for my family, for my soul.

True enough, it was a year full of stress. I felt a lot of anger and bitterness for my situation. It was a year fraught with challenges and confrontation. I cried a lot of tears in 2009.

But 2009 also lit a fire under me. It got me thinking about living my passions and living life to it's fullest. It brought the "what if's" into focus and inspired me to set goals and make changes. It got me engaged in life again.

2009 was tough, no doubt for everyone. But 2009 was a big wake up call too. Be honest, were you not just a bit complacent before the economic downfall? Were you not spending too much? Were you not feeling too secure in your workplace? Don't you look at your job and your savings and investments a bit more wisely now? Don't you think twice before you spend? This is a good thing.

Our world will never be the same.

Perhaps we can return to the values our parents had. They worked hard to own a home, they took care with their credit. They took pride in a job well done.
They did not buy if they could not pay for it. They saved money for a new car or sofa or toy and paid for it in full.

I learned some lessons in 2009. I hope you did too.

But I won't deny it I am looking forward to a new decade.

New Ideas

So I've come up with an idea that I'm really excited about. It involves a lot more writing, which is good. A little money, which is do-able. And alot of faith, which I have.

So I'm looking forward to my fresh start of 2010.

As I've spoke of many times, I am struggling with my career, wanting so much to live my passions, wanting so much a chance for change.

I've started and stopped many side-businesses. Whether it was a craft business, a decorating business or a jewelry party business...I needed something else that my day job didn't provide. I've needed that creative outlet in my life. I've needed to put my heart and soul into my daily world. I've been searching for more... Endlessly it seems.

Being a Type-B, Right brainer I have a lot of good ideas. What I lack is the Type-A follow through and the Left brain technical know how. It can be a struggle for us creative-types to get'r done. Lord knows I've failed more then once.

But this new idea of mine is going to work. I can feel it in my bones. It doesn't just make my right brain happy it engages the left too. I'm not going to share just yet, but I will say that it will encompass my 3 big career desires: writing, decor and jewelry design. It will lead to other more fruitful opportunities in the next decade of my life.

What I figured out this time, before I just jumped head-first into this endeavor, is that I need help. Help from experts in their field. Yes it might cost me a little at first, but I know it will pay for itself in no time with the headaches I'll save. That's been a big problem, I'm great with the ideas and implementing them, but when I run into a technical or legal wall, I come to a screeching hault. This time I'm going to get help with the stuff I struggle with instead of pretending that I can do it all. This time I will trust others. And hopefully I'll learn something along the way.

So I'm taking classes, I've hired a professional to help me get it going. I've purchased some of the tools I need to make it work more smoothly. I'm already way ahead of where I was with my other endeavors and I've barely just begun.

I may have to keep my day job for awhile, but now I see the light ahead and it's finally shining brightly on me.