A Gift

I've been struggling about the whole "gift thing" for Christmas. I'm happy to give, I really am. But I feel like gifts are for kids. There is really no one on the adult gift list in my world that really needs anything. Certainly not anything some one needs to go into debt for. And really, I've got everything I need too. Maybe we feel it's traditional to give gifts, that something will be lacking if we don't.

But at this point in my life I think I'd rather give and receive an emotional gift.

I'd rather get a sentimental card from someone that expresses their heartfelt feelings then a gift I may not remember next year. My husband and I want to spend time doing something to make a memory together instead. Then we can reflect about it often. We could have those "remember when we did... how much fun it was" moments-- that seems more meaningful to me. It's a gift that keeps on giving after all.

This year my daughter came home from Christmas, it's been several years since she's been with us. She's grown into a lovely woman. She's so strong and smart. She's well traveled and interesting. It was a joy to spend time together. We didn't really do anything special. With the Christmas snow storm we stayed close to home. We just hung out and talked. We cooked and played games. We enjoyed the downtime together and reconnected. It was a wonderful gift for me. It made Christmas really special this year. We made memories.

It's funny, a week ago I was all stressed out. Hating the hustle and the stress of the holidays. Today I feel peace. I feel like I'm healing from the beating I took this year. I feel like there is hope for change. I'm looking forward to learning new things and starting new adventures in 2010.

So I'm putting 2009 to bed. Along with the anger and the angst it caused me.

I'm moving on.

There's a new decade to ring in.

A new chance for change. Better days are on the horizon.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Thank you for reading me this year!

'Tis the Season

Gosh I'm busy. I'm not sure what with, but I feel stressed. I think it's just the general mood of the holidays, S-T-R-E-S-S. What happened to Joy and Peace? I thought they were supozed to be the feelings of Christmas. I really haven't felt that in years.

I'm so tired of the holiday push. I hate that Christmas items are in the stores right behind Halloween. Thanksgiving sort of gets jipped. I rebel, I refuse to even look at them until after Thanksgiving. And even now, I really have no Christmas spirit within. I put up my tree last weekend, I baked cookies for my co-workers. Still, no Christmas spirit. Maybe it comes in a bottle. People keep telling me I should drink more.

But I keep hearing about sad stories. An acquaintence of mine is losing her home to foreclosure. Another is in a frustrating relationship. Another out of work. Many are under-employed or in dead-end positions. I want to give to others, I want to help and yet I feel helpless. I can listen, I can be their shoulder to cry on. But I'm not sure what I can do to actually help their situations. I'm kind of in the same boat. I got problems too, we all do.

I can't really afford to spend money on Christmas gifts, but I do it anyway. But I'm just not feeling it. It feels like more of an obligation then a downright sense of giving. I think Christmas gifts should be for kids. And, I think it's nice to exchange a gift with your sweetheart to thank them for all they do. Other then that why do we feel so obligated to over-spend for one day. I thought the meaning of Christmas was supozed to be about Jesus. How did it turn into this retail nightmare?

I used to love Christmas, I looked forward to it every year. I would get really excited about it. I'd decorate the house up, shop for the perfect gifts, wrap my presents with fabric bows and beautiful paper. I'd start listening to Christmas music by December 1st. But past Christmas's seemed better. At my old job we had a Trim-the-Tree party, a client Christmas party and an Employee party. My girlfriend and I used to throw an "Annual Semi-Formal Christmas Wapatooi Bash" each year. There were events to go to and happiness and joy would abound. Now Christmas feels like it's being shoved down my throat. Buy, buy, buy, rush rush, rush, spend, spend spend. Sad as it is to say, I can't wait for it to be over. Let's get on with the New Year already.

But last year I did manage to do one thing that gave me Christmas spirit. Maybe other's can do this too, it will definitely lift your mood. Last year I decided to tell everyone in my family exactly why I loved them.

I sat down with my computer and wrote out 25 reasons why I loved each person. I did one hundred reasons for my hubby. It took me hours and hours. Of course there were the obligitory reasons... they are kind to animals, they are kind to my parents, and so on. But actually, it was kind of hard. It forced me to sit down and really think about my family. My older nephew and I really aren't that close anymore. I personally don't know him all that well. Same went for my brother-in-law, we don't have a whole lot of one-on-one contact, so it's was a challenge to think of all these reasons. But I was determined.

I painstakenly wrote down each reason. I printed them out and cut them up into strips like fortunes in a cookie. I found some cute little boxes at the craft store and proceeded to fold each reason up and fill each box. Come Christmas Eve I handed them out. No one knew I was going to do this. We all sat in a circle and before we exchanged gifts I had every one read three reasons from each of their boxes. It was the greatest gift I had ever given. As they all read them aloud, they smiled and laughed. Some had tears in their eyes, including me. They didn't want to stop at three reasons, we went 'round and 'round in the circle till we read more then 10 or 15 each. The joy I created with this simple gesture was astounding. I felt my own Christmas spirit for the first time in years. The gift I gave each of them was the greatest gift I ever received.

Everyone has told me that they kept their boxes. When they have a bad day they will read one or two of my reasons and it makes them feel better. My Dad keeps his in the top drawer of his dresser. My Mom says he looks at it every day. I have a feeling all of them will keep that little box the rest of their lives.

To me, that is what Christmas is all about. That is the feeling I want. I can't express to you how good it felt to see the tears in their eyes. To know that I touched them in a very personal way. To tell someone what it is about them that you love--to tell them they are special and that they have changed your life in some profound way--that is what Christmas is supozed to be I think.

It seems like that is what Jesus would want.
I doubt he'd know what to do with an I-pod.