I Need to Spread My Wings

Today was another one of "those days". Not for any one particular reason mind you, it just was a day.

I so need a change.

I so need someone willing to give me a shot.

I keep looking at the job postings thinking I don't want to make a lateral move. Then at the same time if I don't make a move soon, I'm going to keep having more of these days. I'm just not feeling enough confidence in this economy to make a big change.
Last one hired, first one fired and all.

Is it possible after 20 years in one industry to do a complete 180 and do something utterly different?

I'm feeling like I'm running out of time.

I'm trying so hard to change my direction. To follow my heart, to live my passions. But I still have to pay the bills.

I wish my career would metamorphosis more quickly.

I need to spread my wings...

Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone

This year I decided to try some different things. Since now I'm officially middle age, and supposedly in the prime of my life, I figured it's now or never.

As 2009 was fraught with challenges, I am more determined then ever to make sure that 2010 is exciting and fun. Well ok, maybe exciting is too strong of a word, but at best I want 2010 to be interesting.

So far, it's looking pretty good.

I recently posted that changes are coming for me. I've decided that my blog is going to go into a new direction. It's going to encompass my passions, my endeavors, my ideas. I'm both excited and overwhelmed by this grand idea. In one respect it gives me freedom to explore and learn and meet new and interesting people. In another way it is a big, scary thing on the perpetual "To Do" list.

We're already almost 1/5th of the way into the new year and I feel like I've already shaken things up. I've broken my boring work/sleep/eat/errands cycle and added in interesting changes.

The fire within has been officially lit.

I've already taken several classes this spring. And I'm signed up for a few more. I've found a resource for knowledge at The Loft that inspires me to learn and grow as a writer. I've taken chances by asking professionals for help. I've met new people, I've exchanged ideas. I've re-connected with colleagues from the past. I've taken things off that perpetual "To Do" list and started doing them.

Maybe getting older spurs you into action because you feel your time is running out. Maybe it's self-awareness you didn't have in your younger years that pushes you to experience more in life. I know I don't want to be complacent. I know that if change is going to come to my world I am going to have to make it happen for myself. And I haven't felt so alive in years.

So I ask you readers, what have you done lately to step outside your comfort zone? To go beyond your normal everyday life and experience something different. What have you learned lately? What have you always wanted to do? My advise to you would be, go for it. Cross it off your bucket list, and engage in all that life has to offer.

Living for the Moment

The older I get, the more I understand life.

I remember in my 20's thinking I had it all figured out. Thinking I was so worldly and wise - I was a mover and shaker after all. I had an exciting career working with important people. I was fairly educated. I was constantly going places and doing things...

Then I fell in love. And everything I thought I knew about men and life changed. I was in love with a man, and for all intensive purposes, men were way different then women.

Not that this is a bad thing. Just that it's different. Men think differently, they react differently, they love differently then women.

Personally I think men have the ability to live more in the moment then women.

A simple example - One morning I suggest to my hubby that we BBQ together that night - he agrees. So I am at work all day, and on the way home I start thinking about dinner, I'm hungry. I start making plans in my head, did I remember to take anything out of the freezer, how long it's going to take to cook, do I have all the ingredients on hand, maybe I should stop at the store, what would hubby like...I get home. Hubby ate about and hour ago, he was hungry. Funny thing was, I didn't feel like cooking anyway.

He lives in the moment. If he's hungry he eats. He's tired, he sleeps. He doesn't really think too far ahead of that. Don't get me wrong, of course he thinks about his future. But as a sleep deprived over-worked guy he pretty much just focuses on the here and now. I, on the other hand, am perpetually in fast forward mode. I plan ahead for the next hour, the next day, the next weekend, the next year. Hubby has no specific plans for what tomorrow will bring, he goes with the flow. I have a constantly spinning "To Do" list in my head a mile long.

Oh, to only worry about the moment at hand. To never have to plan or prepare... to just "be". Maybe that's why men and women, though so different, work together. One needs to stay grounded in the moment, one needs to look ahead.

Then again, maybe it's just us.

The Health Revolution

I am loving this Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution! I think it's fantastic. This country has been so deluded into thinking our food supply is healthy, that it's scary. If you think anyone is making sure that what is on the shelves is healthy, think again. This guy is going to make an impact, I hope, on the world.

I embraced this way of eating years ago. At 35 years old I was having chronic headaches (6 times a week), heartburn, I couldn't sleep, I had neck pain, TMJ, knee pain and weight gain. I went to my Doc. She prescribed me pills.

Nothing says American Medical Care like a fist full of pills.

I was given prescriptions for huge amounts of Ibuprofen for the knee pain. Prilosec for heartburn, a migraine medication for the headaches. She offered me an anti-depressant, and some weight loss pill that had some very nasty side effects.

Something in me just snapped. "Enough is enough already, I want to be healed I don't want to be on hundreds of dollars of pills every month for the rest of my life!" I walked out.

I knew I wasn't going to find the answers there. I knew I had to embrace Alternative care. I began to read every health book I could get my hands on. And then one day heard about Kinesiology. I decided to go for it. And it changed my life.

Doc "Wonder" was amazing. He taught me so much about nutrition and natural medicine, about my body and it's chemistry. He fixed all my ails. All, but my weight issues. What we figured out is that I had sort of a "Perfect Storm" of metabolic chaos and I know exactly when it all went to hell. The day I got my first injection of Depo Provara. I have been in an uphill battle ever since. I have spent thousands of dollars trying to right this hormonal wrong.

I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that we are the only ones responsible for our health.
The Doctors in this country make money by pushing drugs.
The Drug companies make money by keeping us on prescriptions pills for our entire lives.
The Food companies make money buy filling their products with inferior fillers, preservatives, sugars, additives, and addictive ingredients because real food costs money to produce.
The Farmers pump the cattle and chickens and crops full of hormones and pesticides to fatten the animals and eliminate crop loss.
The Diet Pill companies make money by pushing pills to reverse the weight problems from the food our FDA has approved.
And the Politicians that are supposedly there to protect and work for us---don't even get me started.

The only one looking out for you, is you.

Think before you eat. If you can't pronounce it, don't ingest it. If it's created in a lab, do your research before you use it. And for God's sake, get your ass off the couch.

Dare I Say I'm on a Roll?

I'm not a super religious person. I mean I do believe in God, I have faith. I believe in Karma and a little bit in destiny too. I believe that there is an inherent higher power that helps those who help themselves. I believe that people with good hearts who help others are rewarded in some way - whether that is a great after life or just a peaceful existence, I guess that is yet to be determined.

And I also believe that we have been given some talent or skill that sets us apart from others. A skill that we may or may not know we have, but some how in our lifetime seems to recur time and time again.

I believe that I have figured out my special skill, my karmic destiny, my gift from up above...

I...have been given the special job of...(are you ready)...changing the toilet paper roll.

Yes readers, it's true. I have been given the Responsibility of the Roll.

I've been noticing this for quite some time now. I seem to have the timing down perfect, the frequency, the consideration to help others in a time of need. I have been destined to be the Replacer of the Toilet Paper.

I know what you are all thinking, that this is a special job and it should not be taken lightly.. but it's true. I have a purpose in this lifetime, to make sure that people, when they are most vulnerable, are - well - covered.

No matter where I go, whether it's work, home, a friend or family's house, perhaps a restaurant or store...I will be the one to replace the empty roll. My timing is uncanny, I always seem to get there when there are one or two sheets left. I have a knack for locating the extra supplies, and never fear, if you and I should share a public restroom and you run out, I will be there to share my gift with you. No, I will not let you down. I will spare a square or two for you.

I almost feel like I should have a cape, a title, and a tag line....
"CC, the TP Queen" - Never fear...CC's Here

State of the Blog, Part II

Well, awhile ago I posted that changes were coming to my blog. I'm very excited about them. In about a month I hope to launch my new and improved blog. It will encompass so much more. Please follow me when the time comes, I will keep you posted.

I've been taking a writing class and it's been quite freeing when it comes to inspiration. And it's been quite informational when it comes to the technicalities of the blogosphere and getting my blog read.

One of my goals when I initially started my blog was to do some "professional" writing. Blogging was my way of being published, getting some practice and holding myself accountable. But blogging became so much more for me too.

I became so in touch with my feelings, my goals and the passion that lies within. I found myself on a journey of self discovery. My initial posts were written as "columns" that I envisioned printing in some local publication, but the columns became part of me. My challenges, my dreams and aspirations --- and mostly my take on the human condition.

I'd still like to do a column, only reality tells me it'll be more of an on-line thing. I struggle with getting seen...Google-love comes with exposure and to get exposure I have to attack social media with extreme regularity. I'm finding it hard to embrace Twitter. Most really popular blogs get seen because they link to current headlines, videos and pop culture.

I don't want to be that kind of blogger, I want to write. I want to write with soul and purpose. The only question is, does soul and purpose translate into being read?

There's something in me I need to share. Perhaps it's not quite defined yet, perhaps I just haven't found the right home...but I am on the move.

So friends, readers and fellow bloggers, if you like what I have to say, please tell others. Please link me or forward me or recommend me. I need all the help I can get. The one thing that I know I learned about myself this last year is that I can't do it all alone anymore. I need to ask other's for help. I need to seek guidance and education. And probably most importantly, I need to believe in my self, my heart and believe that I will reach my goals.