Life's messes

I know this woman. She is very neat. Everything in her house is immaculate. If you walk in at any given time you'd think you walked into a photo shoot for Better Homes and Gardens. She has very elegant taste. She takes impeccable care of her things. So much so that her possessions never show signs of wear. And that works for her, it's what makes her happy; cleanliness is next to Godliness and all.

But it got me to thinking; does her life show signs of wear?

My house is a mess. Don't ever just drop in, because I promise you I will not be prepared for company. Of course when company does come, my house is neat, but day-to-day my husband and I are disorganized at best. I put on a neat façade.

I think I'm ok with that though. I think my life shows signs of wear. I've been known to sacrifice cleanliness for good sheer reckless abandon. And I think that's a good thing. I've also been guilty of wasting an afternoon on a sunny day lying in the grass with my husband, daydreaming about a landscaping project, even when I had a sink full of dishes. Or at the drop of a hat be willing to run off to go for a walk or have lunch with a friend. Damn the chores, I figure the housework will be there when I come back; the opportunity to cocoon with my husband may not.

Now I'm not well traveled or haven't done anything supremely crazy in my life, other then hot air ballooning, a helicopter ride, and a few good road trips perhaps. But still I feel I've embraced things that maybe my clean friend has not. Like messy painting projects that take days to complete and digging in the dirt on a regular basis. Like diving into creative endeavors and various money making schemes. I've tried to expand my world. I've tried to give it some dimension, some scope outside the norm.

That is why I did years of craft boutiques and art shows. That's how I attempted to start a decorating business and a jewelry business, and why I freelance jobs. Maybe I'm enterprising; maybe I'm just in search of more. More fulfillment and more satisfaction to my being. I know too many people that just exist day to day, whose life is nothing but a daily grind of the same job, the same dinners, the same TV. Grinding away at the best years of their lives. Their life doesn't get too messy. I don't want to be that way.

So here again I sit, another project at hand. Another side gig hoping to be a second job. I'm letting my housework slide so I can put my thoughts to print. It always energizes me to start something new. Gets my blood pumping and the synapses firing. Maybe this time, I can bring it to fruition. Maybe once I feel fulfilled, I can get to those dishes.

Saturated

There's a sweet email that you get every once in a while about why women cry.

Basically it says that God made women really strong. Strong enough to deal with birth and stress and loss. Compassionate enough to feel our friend's pain. Brave enough to die to protect our children. Women were built to take on the weight of the world. And the gift that God gave them to shoulder all of this heartache was the gift of tears.

Today I am saturated.

I've taken on as much as I possibly can. I have no more to give. I cannot take any more work, any more stress. My brain is full.

I needed to cry.

I cried all day. Through a disagreement with a co-worker, through a sales proposal I wrote. I cried over my piece of chicken at lunch and through a confrontation with my boss. I cried on the way home. I cried until I had no more tears.

For I had to make room for more.

I had to make room for more work, more stress, more angst. And in order to do that I had to wring some out.

So today I cried. That was my gift.

I'm Taking Back My Life

I've decided in this new decade of my life that I have to start looking at the world differently.

Nothing is what it seems. Food is tainted, the air is polluted, and our lives are constantly plugged into some electrical device. Everything is on the fast track. We don't get a moment of peace anymore. Our cell phones follow us everywhere; we are bombarded by the media, bad news and gossip shows. Does it really matter what the Hollywood socialites do? Does it affect us? Does it make us feel different about ourselves? I say NO! Turn off the radio, the IPOD, the TV and listen to your own thoughts; you might be surprised by what you have to say. Whatever happened to living in the moment, appreciating a butterfly sipping dew, the quiet of a sunrise, a world of quiet serenity?

The only thing we can really do for ourselves is try to find time to escape the noise, the chores, the electricity of city life and escape to the quiet of nature. Feel the warmth of the sun on your face and the wind in your hair. Who cares if it messes up your hairdo ladies, roll down the windows in your car and sing at the top of your lungs – it's good for your soul. Who cares if you have a stack of dishes in the sink, go and play with your husband today. Hold hands and roll in the grass somewhere – take time for some romance. Forget your IPOD, go walk by a lake and let the birds sing to you. They will bring a rhythm all their own. Stop depriving yourself of lovely things because you are saving the good perfume for a special occasion or the silky panties for a fancy night out. Wear the pretty panties today! Enjoy the way the silkiness feels under your work clothes, it will give you something to smile about. Dab the good perfume on for you to enjoy. Dance with your hubby in the living room, lie on your bed naked, next to an open window and let the sunshine warm your skin.

There are simple pleasures that we need to take back. And I think the time is now. I have spent the majority of my life trying to fit into the norm. The normal size clothes, the normal job, keeping up with every new gadget, and it doesn't make me happy. What really makes me happy are the simple things. My husband's kisses, my purring cat in my lap, my Mom's love, sunset in my garden, the wind in my hair, a hot shower, a good cup of coffee with real cream. I'm giving up the clutter, the noise, the "stuff". I'm taking back me, my spirit, my joy, my life.

This Man I Know

This man I know is simple-

He's easy as the day is long.

He works so hard at working hard-

And still he fills his heart with song.


He views life as it is an experience-

And hopes to try each and every thing.

For even mundane tasks can be worthwhile-

If you view them as an opportunity.


He takes pride in job well done-

He's steady, reliable and true.

He's the man I'm proud to love-

And his spirit and soul shines through.


I couldn't have been more lucky-

To have walked into his view.

For now I call his heart mine-

and he holds my heart too.