Life's messes

I know this woman. She is very neat. Everything in her house is immaculate. If you walk in at any given time you'd think you walked into a photo shoot for Better Homes and Gardens. She has very elegant taste. She takes impeccable care of her things. So much so that her possessions never show signs of wear. And that works for her, it's what makes her happy; cleanliness is next to Godliness and all.

But it got me to thinking; does her life show signs of wear?

My house is a mess. Don't ever just drop in, because I promise you I will not be prepared for company. Of course when company does come, my house is neat, but day-to-day my husband and I are disorganized at best. I put on a neat façade.

I think I'm ok with that though. I think my life shows signs of wear. I've been known to sacrifice cleanliness for good sheer reckless abandon. And I think that's a good thing. I've also been guilty of wasting an afternoon on a sunny day lying in the grass with my husband, daydreaming about a landscaping project, even when I had a sink full of dishes. Or at the drop of a hat be willing to run off to go for a walk or have lunch with a friend. Damn the chores, I figure the housework will be there when I come back; the opportunity to cocoon with my husband may not.

Now I'm not well traveled or haven't done anything supremely crazy in my life, other then hot air ballooning, a helicopter ride, and a few good road trips perhaps. But still I feel I've embraced things that maybe my clean friend has not. Like messy painting projects that take days to complete and digging in the dirt on a regular basis. Like diving into creative endeavors and various money making schemes. I've tried to expand my world. I've tried to give it some dimension, some scope outside the norm.

That is why I did years of craft boutiques and art shows. That's how I attempted to start a decorating business and a jewelry business, and why I freelance jobs. Maybe I'm enterprising; maybe I'm just in search of more. More fulfillment and more satisfaction to my being. I know too many people that just exist day to day, whose life is nothing but a daily grind of the same job, the same dinners, the same TV. Grinding away at the best years of their lives. Their life doesn't get too messy. I don't want to be that way.

So here again I sit, another project at hand. Another side gig hoping to be a second job. I'm letting my housework slide so I can put my thoughts to print. It always energizes me to start something new. Gets my blood pumping and the synapses firing. Maybe this time, I can bring it to fruition. Maybe once I feel fulfilled, I can get to those dishes.

A Question

I asked three people the same question.

One's reply was, "I' know nothing about that, I can't help you."

The second said, "Yes, I know about that, but you will have to figure that out for yourself."

The third said, I'm not exactly sure, but let's figure that out together.

Why is it that three people I know all have such different answers? They are all people that I would consider having the same level of intelligence and success, probably similar political viewpoints.

You would think that the people I associate with would all agree on the simple fundamentals of the type of person they are.

But I'm realizing now that more often then not, they don't.

Is that a bad thing?

A good thing?

What type of person are you?

Speaking my Soul

So last week when I went to my Creative networking group, I spoke my from my heart. I didn't give a synopsis of the last 20 years of my career, I spoke about what I love and want to do with my life. Our theme was "what did you want to do when you were 5". And honestly, I think 5 is probably a bit too young to really know. But I thought about it and I realized that the one thing that has been consistent in my life is writing. Now I've always written in a journal, from as early as I can remember, and they were always really personal thoughts. But I have a gift for gab, I love girl talk with the women in my world and I think I have a pretty balanced look at life so I'm feeling more and more like I would like to do a column about life. Hence, my blog. So I'm hoping my blog will lead me down other paths...magazine articles, local papers, maybe a book some day...who knows, but I know I can no longer contain my thoughts.

But I have other areas of interest, and I'm going to put them out into the universe and see what happens. My thoughts alone are not going to pay the bills right now.

So I stood up and I told my creative group that I had met a really interesting guy. And this guy has like 6 jobs. All of his jobs very diverse, in fact he might be spread a little too thin, but he is a truly happy guy. He loves life, he's fully engaged in it. He goes where he wants, when he wants and answers only to God and his wife. I really like this idea. At first I thought this guy was nuts, but you know, I think he's on to something. He has enough to do to keep him busy all the time any never gets sick of any one thing. They say that variety is the spice of life, if that is true, this guy's life is like cayenne pepper. So I got to thinking why can't I do that? Why can't I do the things that I totally enjoy and make them work for me? I am so sick of being stuck behind a desk all day. Most of the time I want to throw the phone and the computer out the window. I have fantasies about seeing them crash to the ground and burst into a million pieces. In fact, I truly blame my desk for the pain in my neck and a just little bit for the size of my ass. So what is stopping me from diversifying?

If I could do a combination of the three things that really soothe my soul it would be Jewelry Design, Interior Design and Writing. Probably not the 3 most lucrative career choices I could make, but if I spent some solid time at all three instead of just as hobbies, I'm sure I could make it work. OK, I'm not ready to quit my day job, but the possibility of it gets me all a flutter inside.

So I'm throwing it out there...God, Universe, Oprah...if any of you can help me get there...I sure could use a little help.

Yoga Has Changed My Life.

Yoga has changed my life. I know it sounds a bit corny to say, but it's true.

I started yoga a little over a year ago. My instructor is a sweet, older, kind of hippie-like lady that teaches MIND/BODY YOGA. She stresses the importance of meditation, and breathing along with the stretching and toning benefits of yoga. She begins with, "Our practice is not a competition with anyone else or even with ourselves". "It is meant to be it's own journey". Now, I've always been a self-conscious person. I don't want people looking at me when I'm playing golf and I really don't want them looking at me in my funky little stretch pants bending over into unsightly positions. But the beauty in yoga is that you are never looking at anyone else. In fact most of the time I sort of forget that anyone else is even in the room. You look ahead or up toward the sky. I like that concept. It frees you from being self-conscious and allows you to be fully aware of the movement. Most of the time I just shut my eyes and just feel the stretch and concentrate on my breath going in and out of my body. It is a very relaxing workout.

And I do mean work out. Yoga is not for sissy's let me tell you. Holding your body in these awkward positions is a challenge. And it's all about balance. Every move has a counter move, what you do on the right, you do on the left. No one wants a lop-sided body. My first session I couldn't believe how much I was sweating. OK, so I'm out of shape and somewhat hormonal, so it doesn't take a great amount to make me sweat these days, but I do , and in such a good way. At the end of my first session I got very light-headed. So much so that I had to sit in my car for 10 minutes before I could drive. My instructor said I had more then likely breathed more deeply in that hour then I probably had in years. Oxygen, what a concept.

And yoga really helps with stress. Almost instantly I felt more calm. When I started there was a lot of turmoil within my immediate family and it helped me to think of things in a calm manner. "Peaceful thoughts, peaceful words, peaceful heart” is how we always close our sessions. I started to apply these thoughts to my daily life. Ultimately my conflicts were resolved, and I believe they were because I began to change, not just my attitude, but also the way in which I responded to the conflict.

Physically I began to feel stronger, taller, if that’s possible, and more flexible. I had a lot of chronic low back pain and neck and jaw pain. My back pain stems from a car accident several years ago, along with a desk job and my passion for gardening. My neck pain, which I call computer-neck, also comes from working at a desk all day; and the TMJ, mostly from stress.

When I started Yoga in March ’08 the first real change I noticed was in the garden that spring. I wasn’t sore after a good days work. I was bending better and my stamina was improved. In fact, gardening is an excellent place to practice yoga. There is this move called "Spinal Balance" where basically you are on all fours, and you stretch your left arm in front of you and your right leg back. And as I was gardening this year I realized, "hey I'm doing spinal balance." Wasn't even trying to. I was just reaching and digging with one hand, balancing with the other and stuck my leg out so I didn't tip over as I was reaching. Well, go figure. And when I bend over at the waist, I'm doing Forward Fold, when I have to straddle plants as not to step on them while weeding, I'm doing Forward Straddle. It's really kind of cool how it interacts with your daily life. There are many times throughout my day I realize hey that's a yoga stretch and I never really knew it.


Normally I see a chiropractor for adjustments once every two to three weeks; I've had to for my neck and jaw, they were so tight. I have not had to visit my Doc in almost a year. My TMJ has relaxed so much so that I don’t find it necessary to wear a night mouth guard anymore. And my neck, although stiff at times, is much improved and any soreness can be relieved by a simple neck massage at home, rather then a visit to my Doc.

I've even got my husband to try a few of the stretches. If anyone needs to stretch it's him, he's got no flexibility. When he does it regularly it really helps his back. And we try to practice deep breathing before bed; it really helps your body drift slowly off to sleep.

These days I practice in class twice a week and at home most days. I also try to incorporate some simple positions into my work day too. This has been the only type of exercise that I actually look forward to, do not allow anyone to come between, and that I’ve been able to consistently stick with. I do believe that yoga will be a part of my life for the rest of my life.

Being a Step Mom

I'm a step-Mom. I love that I am. I was sort of thrust into the role when I was in my mid 20's. I fell in love with a man with two pre-adolescent girls. I loved him, so I would love his girls too. It made sense to me; it felt right. You see I never really pictured myself having babies. I mean, I like babies, I just never saw them in my life. But I did see me having older kids -- going out to lunch, shopping, long talks about life and love, that's what I envisioned. I love the relationship I have with my Mom, especially the adult relationship. Oh sure, all the growing up years are important and all, but I feel like the adult years are far more interesting for both parties. I always wanted to have that.

We had our ups and downs, me and the girls. The first couple years were really fun. I loved staying up late and having girl talk about boys and school and life. We did fun activities and had family dinners and watched movies and stuff. I wasn't a full time Step Mom, I only got the weekends, and we tried to cram so much into those weekends it's a wonder we can even remember any of the details now. They were so open to what I had to say, they asked so many questions and shared so many feelings, it made me feel really special, like I had a little piece of them that no one else had. The teen years were not all that fun though, there were a lot of challenges all parties had to face; there was a lot of hurt that had to be overcome. But we got through it.

My girls are grown and live far away now. I know they have to be free to discover who they are and what they want out of life, but I wish they were closer. Long distance relationships are hard. You get busy in your day to day life and routine, and I don't know about you, but after I leave work for the day, I don't really even think about the phone unless it rings. So I don't call as much as I should, but that doesn't mean I don't think about the girls every day.

I wonder how school is going or how big the baby is getting. I wonder if they are happy and feeling ok. I wonder if they are happy with the choices they've made in life. I wonder if when they are having a bad day do they get a hug only a Mom can give, and I wonder if they think about me as much as I do them. I wonder if they wish they were closer so we could see each other more often like I wish we could. I wonder what it would be like if we had regular Saturday lunch dates like I have with my Mom, and do they even want that from me. I wonder if when I'm old and gray they will be around.

I know I wasn't their birth Mom, but to me they are the only kids I will ever have. And in my heart they are mine. Ok, so I didn't potty train them, but I taught them other things about life and love - at least I hope I did, I hope they take that with them, wherever they are.

Natural Health

I'm into natural health. Well about 80% anyway. When I was 36 I had a whole host of health issues. Nothing horrible, but annoying aches and pains, indigestion, headaches, neck, jaw and knee pain, major PMS. So I went to my Doc and she prescribed a bunch of pills to fix me up. I got like 6 prescriptions for drugs. But that wasn't the answer I wanted. I didn't want to be hooked on drugs the rest of my life. I wanted to know why I was having these issues, I was young, in the prime of my life, I shouldn't feel this old - this young. There had to be a better answer.

Then, I got a referral from a friend to a Kinesiologist. A brilliant young man, thinking way ahead of modern times, enlightened me to natural health. I learned more about my body in my first visit with him then I had learned in my entire life of Doctor visits.

Now I'm not going to lie to you, you really have to keep an open mind. Kinesiology is about the mind-body connection. It has four main components: emotional, energy, skeletal and muscular. All four need to work together for optimal health. This "Doc Wonder" could tell with muscle strength testing what things I had sensitivities to (be it petroleum, dairy or aspartame) for where my body was weak, it told me what organs were ailing; it was nothing short of amazing.

I made a conscious decision to trust in what he had to say, even when it seemed a bit far-fetched. I did what he told me to do. And you know what? Within 4 months all those aches, the acid reflux, the PMS, it was all gone. He adjusted my body, de-toxified me, gave me vitamins and tinctures of positive energy – he taught me about nutrition and what the chemicals and pesticides in our food supply and cosmetics were doing to me. It made perfect sense really. I whole-heartedly jumped on the natural-health bandwagon. I read everything I got my hands on. I've even taken nutrition classes where I knew more then the instructor teaching it.

It's not easy, cheap, or convenient to be healthy. It's quite the opposite. Our food supply, although abundant, is quite poor nutritionally. Our cosmetics give off by-products that can disrupt our hormones. And practically every product, food, beverage and medication does it's part in toxifying our bodies. And the good stuff – the natural stuff, is expensive. It's quite scary and overwhelming when you find out the real truth.

But…I had made the choice to do this for my future self. I had to get to the source of what ailed me and make the necessary changes for good health. Ironically, I thought I was being pretty healthy. I ate a fair amount of fruits and veggies, I wasn't a junk-food –junkie, I got a good amount of exercise, but I had issues despite my good efforts. So I started slow. I cleaned out my cupboards and fridge trying to eliminate anything with chemicals and additives. I gave up regular dairy products; I started buying organic as much as I could. I shopped at Farmer's Markets, Co-ops and Natural Food stores. I took pharmaceutical quality vitamins. I began yoga and meditation.

I learned to eat fresh, natural meals and snacks---well, for the most part anyway. I mean it's hard. You can't really find a grilled piece of organic chicken and some vegetables in a convenience store when you are on the go. So I tried to make better choices. "Hold the burger and fries, I'll take that grilled chicken salad, dressing on the side. Why, no thank you to that cheesecake, I'll just have some fruit tonight". I really annoy my husband, family and friends with my health talk I'm sure, especially when I tell them just how bad those French fries are for them. But, I do pretty well I guess, I try to be strong. I'd say I'm about 80% there. However, I do have to admit that there are some days when there is just no substitution for a Cookie Dough Blizzard.

But I try, I really do try….