I'm a step-Mom. I love that I am. I was sort of thrust into the role when I was in my mid 20's. I fell in love with a man with two pre-adolescent girls. I loved him, so I would love his girls too. It made sense to me; it felt right. You see I never really pictured myself having babies. I mean, I like babies, I just never saw them in my life. But I did see me having older kids -- going out to lunch, shopping, long talks about life and love, that's what I envisioned. I love the relationship I have with my Mom, especially the adult relationship. Oh sure, all the growing up years are important and all, but I feel like the adult years are far more interesting for both parties. I always wanted to have that.
We had our ups and downs, me and the girls. The first couple years were really fun. I loved staying up late and having girl talk about boys and school and life. We did fun activities and had family dinners and watched movies and stuff. I wasn't a full time Step Mom, I only got the weekends, and we tried to cram so much into those weekends it's a wonder we can even remember any of the details now. They were so open to what I had to say, they asked so many questions and shared so many feelings, it made me feel really special, like I had a little piece of them that no one else had. The teen years were not all that fun though, there were a lot of challenges all parties had to face; there was a lot of hurt that had to be overcome. But we got through it.
My girls are grown and live far away now. I know they have to be free to discover who they are and what they want out of life, but I wish they were closer. Long distance relationships are hard. You get busy in your day to day life and routine, and I don't know about you, but after I leave work for the day, I don't really even think about the phone unless it rings. So I don't call as much as I should, but that doesn't mean I don't think about the girls every day.
I wonder how school is going or how big the baby is getting. I wonder if they are happy and feeling ok. I wonder if they are happy with the choices they've made in life. I wonder if when they are having a bad day do they get a hug only a Mom can give, and I wonder if they think about me as much as I do them. I wonder if they wish they were closer so we could see each other more often like I wish we could. I wonder what it would be like if we had regular Saturday lunch dates like I have with my Mom, and do they even want that from me. I wonder if when I'm old and gray they will be around.
I know I wasn't their birth Mom, but to me they are the only kids I will ever have. And in my heart they are mine. Ok, so I didn't potty train them, but I taught them other things about life and love - at least I hope I did, I hope they take that with them, wherever they are.
