Someone reminded me today that I am worthy to live a joyous life. Wow. I know that, I mean I really do know that I am worthy. But it sort of freaks me out that this person, whom I haven't known for all that long, looks at me and sees someone who is not finding joy. They see someone who is carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. Perhaps a person who always tests the water before jumping in with a splash.
And, really, if I'm honest, it's true. I do worry about everything. I do carry the burden of my ill-run work place, my husband's poor eating habits and demanding hours, my children's decisions. I worry about my aging parent's health and my sibling's happiness. Why? I mean it's good to be concerned about others, but I think this person was correct in saying, "who's worrying about you?" I know in my heart my husband wants my happiness, and I know my family cares about my well being. But aside from that, no one is fretting near as much about my life as I am about theirs.
Perhaps it's a way to avoid making some changes in my world. After all, if I focus on them it takes the focus from me right? If I put the focus on me and I fail, then everyone will know I failed. But if I keep my challenges inside, and I fail, I am the only one I have to atone to.
Ooo--- that is hard to admit.
So this friend of mine is right. I do need to make decisions that make me happy. Damn the stigma that may be associated, I need to find some peace. I want to enjoy my life, not struggle through it.
So I'm going to do just that, I am going to find my joy. Whether it's in finding a career that soothes my soul, taking a very long, over-due vacation even though I can't afford it, or saying no to someone so that I can indulge myself, I'm going to do it.
I going to find a way to release these burdens I've placed on my shoulders and let some one else worry about it for a change.
I deserve joy. I deserve joy. I deserve joy.
And, really, if I'm honest, it's true. I do worry about everything. I do carry the burden of my ill-run work place, my husband's poor eating habits and demanding hours, my children's decisions. I worry about my aging parent's health and my sibling's happiness. Why? I mean it's good to be concerned about others, but I think this person was correct in saying, "who's worrying about you?" I know in my heart my husband wants my happiness, and I know my family cares about my well being. But aside from that, no one is fretting near as much about my life as I am about theirs.
Perhaps it's a way to avoid making some changes in my world. After all, if I focus on them it takes the focus from me right? If I put the focus on me and I fail, then everyone will know I failed. But if I keep my challenges inside, and I fail, I am the only one I have to atone to.
Ooo--- that is hard to admit.
So this friend of mine is right. I do need to make decisions that make me happy. Damn the stigma that may be associated, I need to find some peace. I want to enjoy my life, not struggle through it.
So I'm going to do just that, I am going to find my joy. Whether it's in finding a career that soothes my soul, taking a very long, over-due vacation even though I can't afford it, or saying no to someone so that I can indulge myself, I'm going to do it.
I going to find a way to release these burdens I've placed on my shoulders and let some one else worry about it for a change.
I deserve joy. I deserve joy. I deserve joy.
