I got an email today that asked,
"What is your greatest fear?".
I never really thought about this question until about 15 years or so ago. A bunch of us girls at work were talking around the lunch table. We were all in our late 20's or so and they were talking about having kids. I was never super interested in having babies. I mean I like kids and all, but just never really saw myself having any. One of the girls asked me, "if you don't have kids who is going to take care of you when you get old?" From then on I couldn't get that question out of my head. Who will take care of me? It became a very real fear.
I am the youngest of my siblings. My brother and sister are 9 and 12 years older then me. My husband is 10 years older then me. None of them in the best shape. Oh, they are healthy enough, but they all have one issue or another. My husband's philosophy about Doctors is, "if it aint broke don't fix it" , so I can't even get him checked out to see how many miles he's got left on him.
I didn't have biological kids, I don't have a great retirement plan. So what am I going to do?
I know I don't want to live in a nursing home that is for sure. But the way retirement communities cost, I'll never be able to afford it. My girls live out of the area, so it's going to be hard to rely on them. Not that I would want to burden them with my elder care.
My nephew assures me that he will invite me over for "Thanksgiving and stuff." That's somewhat reassuring I guess. But still...there is a very real possibility that I could end up alone. My sister says I shouldn't ponder things like that, "we all take our chances every day, any one of us could step off a curb and get hit by a bus at any time..." thanks sis, but that really doesn't make me feel any better either.
The way the economy is going I'm guessing that by the time I am ready to start collecting my social security it'll be gone. Never mind the hundreds of thousands of dollars I've paid in, it'll just be gone. *!Poof!*. Good God with the way the insurance and medical costs have increased what can I expect 25 years down road? Will someone please tell me why people are fighting health care reform??
I have this fantasy that my husband and I will go together. I couldn't imagine living one day with out him. But I'm guessing that will remain a fantasy too. I don't know why I have this strong feeling that I am going to outlive everyone I love. Is that weird? I'm not in the worlds greatest shape myself, so there's a very real possibility that somehow my subconscious mind is sabotaging me. If I don't take care of myself then I will die young. Then I won't have to outlive my loved ones and be alone. That's kind of twisted, but could quite possibly be true I suppose. I wonder what a psychoanalyst would say about that?
But I can't think like that. I can't have those doomsday thoughts. I can't envision myself as the crazy old cat lady surviving on cat chow. I need to put positive thoughts into the universe, right?
So I'm thinking I need a new game plan. I will need to gather some other old gals that will probably need a roommate or two. Perhaps we can start a home for wayward old ladies. Yeah, we can play cards and do crafts and wear funny red hats. We can take the bus to happy hour once a week and have sleepovers like we did when we were girls. We'll hire cute young gardeners to take care of the yard and maintenance. My girlfriends are pretty fun, I'm kinda hoping at least a few of them will want to join me in my Home for Old Hotties. It'll be like a perpetual girlfriend weekend.
Wait now, this is sounding more and more fun. Never mind all those fears, I think I'm going to be just fine. Instead of the crazy old cat lady - I can be "Cat Woman".
